Words Of Wisdom, Honest Toddler Style. Take 7

Hola, My Pals!

Do you know what time it is? Honest Toddler time, you crazy people!

Honest Toddler tweets hilarious one liners multiples time per day. I read. I giggled. And I picked out my 30 favorite from the past month. So, here they are:

My 25 Favorite Honest Toddler Tweets from 2-3 - 3-3:

• Walked into my parent's room at 3AM. They looked at me like I was the angel of death. Just wanted a quesadilla.

• Grandma thinks I act out on account of me needing more snacks and being too skinny. She's like a doctor.

• Toddlers: Unless you're selling corn on the cob don't show up to the park wearing a straw hat.

• Toddlerfriend, unless you are a card-carrying member of the Wu-Tang Clan, I don't want to see a gold chain on you either.

• If hair brushes, toilet brushes, and toothbrushes aren't interchangeable why do they share a last name.

• Don't say you love someone then six hours later make quinoa.

• Just heard a 2 year-old tell his mom "I don't know what I want." Shut up Wikileaks, them toddler trade secrets!

• Toddler Tip: When a cat runs, it's not because he doesn't want to play. He just wants to show you something.

• You know for sure you took it too far during the day when instead of saying "Sweet dreams" she says "See ya when I see ya."

• Why are they mad when I break something. I'm not the one who took all those prenatal vitamins resulting in my incredible strength."

• I don't need you in here with me." What if I told you I prepared a song?

• If anyone asks, I've been with you all day and didn't touch the dishwasher. Be cool. I'll explain later.

• Santa, please use the off-season to relax and do not waste you time listening to voicemail today. love u.

• Grandma you busy? Was wondering if you could airlift me out of a situation.

• When did I fall asleep. Hope you enjoyed the quiet. I'm going to be a problem until after sundown. #trust

• Asked for an apple. Was handed a piece of fruit with a soft patch reminiscent of the top of an infant's head. No.

• Second apple looks like it just walked out of the ICU. Is it too much to ask for fruit that looks somewhat illustrated?

• Was just handed a whole apple. What am I four? An arctic wolf? I can still feel where my molars came in. Cut up, please. smh.

• Fact: Most babysitters just want access to your gold.

• Why would you eat scones when doughnuts are a thing. You're just trying to feel rich. Adults, stop.

• You think flour says "I want to be a scone when I grow up?" No. They dream of greatness. Churros. Frozen waffles. Oreo cookies.

• Sorry about last night. Guess we both learned something though. You learned to come the first time I call and I learned to never give up.

• Just heard Cookie Monster say something about trying new foods. They got to him.

• Ear infection. They gave me medicine in my mouth but so far nothing in my actual ear. Where did these people go to school. Hogwarts?

• Toddler in the next room is singing Wheels On The Bus like we're all on holiday. Quiet, fool. Stay alert.

Time For My All-Time Favorite HT Tweets!

• Asked for a second bedtime story. You would have thought I requested launch codes. Nevermind.

• Is it too much to ask to be held from 4:30-7PM? I'm like 28 pounds :(

• Showed grandpa my top karate moves. He was too proud to speak. Just shook his head and prayed for my safety.

• Going home. Grandpa said to avoid doing martial arts in public because the world isn't ready. I understand. #BestDay

• Just so you know when you come in to give goodnight kisses smelling like Cheetos it's like a slap in the face.

• Alarm clocks. Adults do you mean to tell me that without a machine you would not wake up in the morning? Your body is in shambles.

• Yes, I am a highly skilled Level 10 (out of 10) karate master but it doesn't mean I can walk from the car to grocery store.

• Love means being happy to see someone no matter what time it is even if that person has peed through all their clothes.
• In trouble for unrolling 10 or 12 toilet paper rolls. I did it for science not me but whatever.
• It's amazing how some people think they're in charge of deciding who has to wear pants and when.

• "Stop crying." Oh ok let me find the button that TURNS OFF MY FEELINGS.

• I need a body double who is available for meal times and the afternoon shift. I can pay in tales of adventure.

• How much you think a robot that looks exactly like you and loves naps and salad would cost?

• I know how you make tea. Just shave a pencil into a little bag. Done. Give me my millions.
• Hey Santa when you get a chance let me know what your favorite kind of cookie is. Always thinking about u. :)
• Naptime. Daddy just tried to put me in my bed and walk away. LOL. Skipped like 28 steps! Start over. From the top.
• If you're wondering, we had money for a $3 magazine about celebrities but not enough for my ice-cream so there's that
• Toddler Tip: If you don't have a spoon, you can also enjoy yogurt with a toothbrush or mobile phone.
• Just tried baking soda. WHY DO WE OWN POISON
• Trick or Treaters skip my house unless you want an O'Henry wrapper.
• I know for a fact that our seasonings were purchased at a Ross Dress For Less and are over 100 years old.
• Toddler Tip: Most parents want your company in the shower. They're just too shy to ask.
• Daddy didn't ask me to join his shower fully clothed but I'm good at anticipating people's needs.
• Don't bother asking if we bought ice cream because the answer will break your heart. 

• Man at the store asked mama if I could have a balloon. She doesn't speak for me. I'll take six.

• Toddler Tip: If you put 8 or 9 batteries in a toilet it will not become a robot. Don't ask how I know just listen.
• Don't try to cancel a game of Under the Blanket just because your toddler gently farts a few times. PLAY THROUGH.

• Was on the phone trying to order pizza for 25 minutes. Turns out I was talking into a scrunchie. :(

• Can you stop looking at the clock? My bedtime will come when it comes. Rude. 

• Skipped my nap today. Exhausted. Will go right to bed. LOL. NOT. FEEL LIKE ADRENALINE & RED BULL ARE PUMPING THROUGH MY BABY VEINS. 

• Woke up from my nap happy and refreshed! Just kidding I hate everything and will need to be held until bedtime. 

• The awkward moment when mommy hugs you way too tight for way too long and whispers something creepy like "Don't grow." Get a grip. 

• Jumped off the kitchen table. Turns out believing you can fly isn't enough. Thanks for the lies R Kelly. 

• Mommy ran into a friend on the street. "I've been meaning to call you!" Stop lying. You've been meaning to buy M&Ms. 

In case you need more Honest Toddler in your life:

• 9-17-12 and before
• 9-18-12 to 10-1-12
• 10-2-12 to 11-2-12
• 11-3-12 to 12-2-12
• 12-2-12 to 1-2-13
• 1-3-13 to 2-3-13

17 Cool Growth Charts (And 2 Fairly Lame Ones)!

It is time to talk about documenting your height! For the last 18 months I have been keeping track of Cora's height on a freebie growth chart from the hospital I delivered at.

It is kind of cute, but I started thinking about how much cuter it could be.

My mom gave me the old chart that Kelly and I mapped our height on (at very random intervals). A few of my friends even made it onto the tallness keeper.

I found tons of awesome growth chart ideas. Don't you worry! I am going to share them with you.

As soon as I began to write this post, I noticed a blog called Bower Power that I check every so often just DIYed one of my favorites!

source

If you don't want to DIY one, don't you worry. I found some pretty neat height charts that you can buy.

Left: You can find at Ecojot for $12

Middle: Buy it here for $49

Right:  Sorry this red fella is no longer for sale, but you might be able to find something like him here.

You could turn your growth chart into a scapbook of sorts with photos and maybe even a few notes.

Here are some more great growth chart rulers. Isn't that a fun idea?!

Right, Middle, Left

You still don't see what you're looking for? I HAVE MORE!
Sorry the cute little teddy bear is so fuzzy!

Left, Middle, Right

Here is another take on the scrapbook-type growth chart. Go get yourself a shadow box!

source

Now, the fish painting below isn't exactly my taste. But, I love the idea of taking a painting (hopefully one that you made yourself so you don't ruin someone else's artwork) and marking heights on that. That little boy loves it.

source

For the growth chart below, you could leave the name off and use it as a bulletin board or magnetic board. You could even paint it with chalkboard paint.   

source

This one is one of my favorites! I love the idea of marking a piece of furniture and keeping track of the height that way. 

source

When I started writing this post, I thought that I would want to have a growth chart for Cora that looks really awesome. But, after spending WAY TOO MUCH TIME with growth charts I realized that it is all about the memories and traditions that come along with recording the height. So, you will probably not see me DIY a fancy growth chart down the line, but keep your eyes peeled for a marked up piece of furniture or some random lines on the wall of my house.

Happy Friday! I hope you all have a spectacular weekend. Go start some new traditions and make a few new memories (growth chart related or not)!

13 Lovely Gender Neutral Baby Abodes!

Happy Thursday! Let's start today off with a bright and sunny photo! Scott and I didn't know if Cora was going to be a girl or a boy so we went with a yellow, grey and green nursery although I probably would have chosen those colors either way. Let's take a look at how other parents have interpreted the gender neutral thing.

I love this sun clock and clouds! And, who doesn't want an enormous crab and a monsterous dog book on their dresser?

I am a big fan of green cribs (check out Cora's lovely green one below), but those curtains are what's getting me in this photo. And, I'm not sure you can see it but there is an awesome framed pictured of Mr. Potato Head too!

Here's Cora's green machine.

Fantastic arbor-age!  I'm inspired to turn this guy into a painting with some scrapbook paper or neat fabric. I am also loving the funky retro rocking chair.

Banner is my middle name and this is a pretty one! I also thought that thing in the corner was a home-made basketball hoop for a second. That would be a neat idea- to make a pretty one yourself  that fits the theme of the room. Fun and functional! 

The enormous mushrooms are not my favorite unless there Papa Smurf and his gang are living inside them.

Lastly, twine chandelier... yes, please!

Dog silhouettes, striped ceiling and a beautiful chandelier. This one is fancy! 

This fella is a bit different than what I would usually like. So, that's why I included it. Well, that and the super cool yellow dachshund under the crib and gator on the wall.

Wallpaper, ottomans, chair! Yes! 

Funky, everything! I like!

This yellow and grey nursery paradise has matching curtains to Cora's yellow and grey nursery paradise (see photo below). I'm always diggin' on some chevron! And, a practically life-sized giraffe never hurt anyone.

The curtains above don't have a fabulous monkey-head-hat attached to theirs like Cora's curtains do.

Lovely letters! I read somewhere about an idea for a baby shower where everyone brings a letter that they decorate themselves or a random object that looks like the letter. The idea is to have a cool art piece like the one below!

FISH!!!! 

I love these curtains and they look very DIY-able! 

A whole wall of books and a lovely ceiling. This bad boy may just have to be copied! 

No, I'm not pregnant. I am just here to appreciate some beautiful gender neutral nurseries.

sources: love those curtains, fish!, twin curtains, cool wallpaper, animal cool, letters, mushrooms, sunshine, funky, mr. potato-head, tree, book wall, yellow and white ceiling

OO: Organization In Kid's Books

You should know how much I love the book, The Berenstain Bears and the Messy Room! It is what inspired the start of my Organization Overhaul (OO).

We are going to start off with a book called The Big Tidy-Up by Norah Smaridge.

First, I should just make it very very clea that this is no Berenstain Bears and the Messy Room. NOT.EVEN.CLOSE! If I had read this as a child, my house would probably always look like the before picture in the photo below.

What this book does have going for it is the illustrations and font. For that, you can thank Les Gray. He's got a whole Marlo Thomass, That Girl vibe.

source

Check out that font, that dress, that hair-do- is anyone else feeling Marlo on this?

pic of those 3 together

Onto the book!

There is a little girl named Jennifer who is quite possibly the messiest kid on the planet. On top of that she torments her cat by dressing it up in her own clothes. Jen's mom is not a happy camper. She vows not to clean Jen's room anymore and puts a big KEEP OUT! sign on Jen's door.

Jen didn't care. She was livin' large in her disaster zone. She even kept pie under her pillow to snack on. But one day, it all hit her!

This is the scene that pushed her over the edge. Ooooohhhh weeee oooohhhh... this is the type of illustration that needs a fabulous after picture!

Jen started feeling bad for herself. She even considered running away. So, she gave in and got to cleaning.

This part is a bit disappointing to me for the following reasons:

1. I'm going to let the cat out of the bag here and tell you that this is basically the After shot. Bogus! I would like to see some sort of organizing. At least show me what you have turned your closet into.

2. Come on, Jen! Get your recycling on! I see those bottles in your trash can. I think you could spray paint them and make them pretty awesome. But, if you aren't going to do that the least you could do is throw them your snazzy recycling bin! And, look at all that paper. I may have to send the recycling police over.

3. I see you have a dust pan, but it looks like you don't actually need it because your broom magically sends dust and apple cores into your trash box. How is this possible? Maybe the book should be called A Girl Named Jen/ Jennifer/ Jenny Throws Her Junk In A Box With A Magic Broom.

There you go... those were my main problems with that picture. 

Finally, Jenny change the sign on her door from KEEP OUT! to COME IN! And this is the best After photo shot we get.

The end.

If I had never read the Berenstain Bears And The Messy Room and I didn't have a major love for messy before photos and organized after photos I would have really liked this book. I loved the illustrations and it was a fun book to read to Cora. I could see this book being a good starting point for a messy child. But, save the best for last... do not present this after The Berenstain Bears or your child will toss this book out the window.

Are you inspired to bust out your magic broom and get to sorting? I am! Maybe the book is better than I thought. Or maybe that broom cast a spell on me.

I'm All Up In Your Hizzie: Mini Edition & A Baby Shower!

A little over a week ago marked the start of my baby shower marathon! I have 7 close friends who are having babies within the next 3 months. Craziness! It is baby central around here!

My friend, Lauren, is due in less than a month! And her shower was the one that kicked off all the baby-celebrating-goodness! 

Are you wondering where the "I'm All Up In Your Hizzie" post fits into this? Well, I am glad you wondered! My friend/ old boss (previous boss? she's not actually old!) hosted this baby shower in her unbelievably beautiful house. I just snapped a few quick photos with my ridiculously terrible camera and I am calling this a Hizzie Mini Edition! When I get a proper camera I will be sure to go back and capture the rest of her fancy decor!

Let's start with a photo of the glowing mama-to-be!

Gotcha- that was a Where's Waldo photo of her. She is to the very far right of the photo. 

Here she is again; this time, opening presents. Someone gave her a painting that was made from one of her ultrasound photos. Neat idea! You wouldn't have had a clue that it was an ultrasound unless someone told you. It just looked like a funky modern painting.

This photo doesn't do Lauren or the painting justice. They are both even more beautiful in person!

In case you are interested, here is the artist's contact information from the back of the painting.

Someone made a fun little baby out of fruit as part of the food/decoration.

There were even babies swimming in icing on the cupcakes.

Luckily, Christmas was barely over so we got to see Shauna's beautiful tree.

Now, onto the Hizzie Mini Tour!

Here is one side of Shauna's office. Isn't it gorgeous!?!!

This one is from her upstairs hallway.

I also took a few photos of her eight year old son's bedroom. What a neat room! I'm not sure that an eight year old can appreciate that awesome hounds tooth rug, but I certainly can!

I am sorry to disappoint and not have more photos of her fabulous house or of the happy mama to be, but I hope you enjoyed this sneak peak into the world of fun baby showers and fancy houses!

Words Of Wisdom... Honest Toddler Style, Take 5

I am back, once again, with a look into the world of the Honest Toddler. You may have one. You may know one. You definitely were once one. Let's take a look at what this truth-telling little dude has to say!

Honest Toddler tweets hilarious one liners multiples time per day. I read. I giggled. And I picked out my 30 favorite from the past month. So, here they are:

My 30 Favorite Honest Toddler Tweets from 12-2 - 1-2:

• Asked if fish have butts. They laughed. That's the last time I put myself out there.

• Yes, I am a highly skilled Level 10 (out of 10) karate master but it doesn't mean I can walk from the car to grocery store.

• I honestly do want to help more but it can get out of control- turn around and you're a 2T butler living under the stairs.

• Trying to figure out who my friends are: How many of you knew about waffle cones but failed to say anything?

• At the bookstore with my Auntie. She wants me to be intelligent. I hope intelligent people get ice-cream after.

• Love means being happy to see someone no matter what time it is even if that person has peed through all their clothes.

• Gravity thinks it's so special making me fall down in front of my friends

• Why do adults say things like "make yourself at home" when what you mean is "act like you're in a museum."

• Bruschetta. It's as if someone was trying to get a recipe for pizza over the phone but only heard every fifth word.

• Gave my aunt a gummi bear made of playdough and she only pretended to eat it. A little hurt. I ate mine.

• As if Santa's worried about my bathroom situation.

• Santa, you know they tried to say that potty seat is from you? Lol I know.

• Shout out to all the rectangles out there. Keep being weird. At least you're not a triangle.

• All kinds of adults in town claiming to be related. Never seen these people in my life.

• Hopefully Pepperidge Farm incepts my dreams and fills them with cookies so at least my subconscious doesn't have to starve.

• Mmmm. That room temperature city tap water was so delicious and filling. Thank you for the feast.

• "Go to sleep right now." Oh ok let me just activate REM as a thank you for using the scariest voice I've ever heard

• If you don't have the gift of creativity please do not try to make up a bedtime story on the spot. #daddy

• The eagle is hugging the mouse with its face. They are truly the best of friends. :)

• I for one will always wear diapers because it's like having a bathroom in your pocket. Technology.

• In trouble for unrolling 10 or 12 toilet paper rolls. I did it for science not me but whatever.

• Saw a picture of a sea lion for the first time. Not what I was expecting. Do real lions know about this.

• I get a Tic Tac for every minute I'm quiet. What am I a dog. I'll allow it.

• She just walks around not holding me texting Santa lies every single day.

• It's amazing how some people think they're in charge of deciding who has to wear pants and when.

• "Stop crying." Oh ok let me find the button that TURNS OFF MY FEELINGS.

• I need a body double who is available for meal times and the afternoon shift. I can pay in tales of adventure.

• How much you think a robot that looks exactly like you and loves naps and salad would cost?

• Daddy just told me raisins come from grapes. Lol someone please get this man a book on science.

• Big Bird, thank you. You seem oblivious to the fact that you are indeed homeless and I admire that.

Time For My All-Time Favorite HT Tweets!

• I know how you make tea. Just shave a pencil into a little bag. Done. Give me my millions.
• Hey Santa when you get a chance let me know what your favorite kind of cookie is. Always thinking about u. :)
• Naptime. Daddy just tried to put me in my bed and walk away. LOL. Skipped like 28 steps! Start over. From the top.
• If you're wondering, we had money for a $3 magazine about celebrities but not enough for my ice-cream so there's that
• Toddler Tip: If you don't have a spoon, you can also enjoy yogurt with a toothbrush or mobile phone.
• Just tried baking soda. WHY DO WE OWN POISON
• Trick or Treaters skip my house unless you want an O'Henry wrapper.
• I know for a fact that our seasonings were purchased at a Ross Dress For Less and are over 100 years old.
• Toddler Tip: Most parents want your company in the shower. They're just too shy to ask.
• Daddy didn't ask me to join his shower fully clothed but I'm good at anticipating people's needs.
• Don't bother asking if we bought ice cream because the answer will break your heart. 

• Man at the store asked mama if I could have a balloon. She doesn't speak for me. I'll take six.

• Toddler Tip: If you put 8 or 9 batteries in a toilet it will not become a robot. Don't ask how I know just listen.
• Don't try to cancel a game of Under the Blanket just because your toddler gently farts a few times. PLAY THROUGH.

• Was on the phone trying to order pizza for 25 minutes. Turns out I was talking into a scrunchie. :(

• Can you stop looking at the clock? My bedtime will come when it comes. Rude. 

• Skipped my nap today. Exhausted. Will go right to bed. LOL. NOT. FEEL LIKE ADRENALINE & RED BULL ARE PUMPING THROUGH MY BABY VEINS. 

• Woke up from my nap happy and refreshed! Just kidding I hate everything and will need to be held until bedtime. 

• The awkward moment when mommy hugs you way too tight for way too long and whispers something creepy like "Don't grow." Get a grip. 

• Jumped off the kitchen table. Turns out believing you can fly isn't enough. Thanks for the lies R Kelly. 

• Mommy ran into a friend on the street. "I've been meaning to call you!" Stop lying. You've been meaning to buy M&Ms. 

In case you need more Honest Toddler in your life:

• 9-17-12 and before
• 9-18-12 to 10-1-12
• 10-2-12 to 11-2-12
• 11-3-12 to 12-2-12

Entertaining Herself... 16 Month Old BabyToddler, Part 1

These days, it is more about Cora entertaining herself than about me entertaining her. A dish towel can keep her busy for hours.

Here are some of the activities that have been keeping Cora occupied recently:

• Opening and closing things. Doors, cabinets, everything! Ever since she has been able to crawl she has been trying her hardest to get the fridge or the freezer open. Once she was holding a wooden spoon and she wedged into into the door and it popped open. She was extremely proud of herself!

• Coloring. Cora's love for coloring grew quickly. We tried it one week and she couldn't have cared less. The next week, that babytoddler of mine says "blue" (which is her word for "give me those crayons, lady") at least 50 times a day.

• Dish Towel. Like I said earlier, Cora is wild for dish towels or for any small piece of fabric she can get her hands on. She will use them as blankets for her stuffed animals. She will play the "how flat can I get this to lay" game. Dish towels can be hats. The possibilities are endless.

• Trying to put things around her neck usually by holding her chin to her chest to get them to stay. This one she does with dish towels, ribbons, spoons, pretty much anything. She loves to check to see if she can turn her chin into a third arm. Spoiler alert: she can!

• Animal sounds and activities. Her favorite is to stick her tongue in and out quickly when I ask what a lizard does. She knows the basic ones pretty well so we moved on to some of the less known animal sounds. What does a llama say? Well according to what I taught Cora, a llama opens its mouth really wide and does a guttural "ama" sound. I'm not really sure how that happened. Cora is still convinced that dogs only pant rather than bark. My sister and I taught her to say "addle addle" (meaning waddle waddle) when she talks about penguins.

• As always, the library and the park. She could entertain herself for hours at either of these places. Don't worry- I don't let her entertain herself alone there.

• Sweeping. Cora regularly gets out the broom and waves it around the kitchen. For Christmas, she got a Cora-sized broom that she is pretty into.

• Reading books. There are books ALL OVER our house and Cora is constantly going through them. Sometimes she likes to read them up-side-down. But, only every once in a while.

In this photo she was still in the eat books rather than read books phase.

• Spinning around. Cora figured out that spinning around in a circle was pretty fun right around her 15 month birthday. She loves it! She spins around or, more accurately put, walks around in a fairly tight circle. Then, as you would expect, the dizzies set in and she starts her wobbling and squatting down to avoid the impeding nose dive.

See that dizzy look in her eyes? She is on about spin number 6.

• Spinning the chair around. As much as Cora loves spinning herself around she loves spinning our swivel chair around just as much. Her favorite is to put a couple of her stuffed animals in there and let them go for a ride.

• Cuddles! ahhhh I never thought I would see the day. But it has finally come! For the last week and a half she has given me some serious cuddles for the 5 minutes before I put her in bed at night. I always say, "I love you SOOOO much." Then she will name everyone she knows (including Santa and dogs) and I will tell her that they love her too. It is the sweetest moment ever.  And I know this isn't exactly entertaining herself. But I do occasionally catch her cuddling some of her stuffed animals.
  
  
  
  Cora was only 2 months old in this photo and this was one of the last times that she cuddled me excluding when she would wake up in the middle of the night.
  
  
  
  
  I will be back in a week or so with another riveting post about the other ways that Cora entertains herself!