Saturday, December 8, 2012

Words Of Wisdom... Honest Toddler Style, Take 4

Words Of Wisdom... Honest Toddler Style, Take 4

We are back, once again, with The Best Of Honest Toddler Tweets

This little boy has got quite a few life lessons to share with the world. Luckily, I'm paying attention for you!

My 15 Favorite Honest Toddler Tweets from 11-3 - 12-2
  • One year-old high on milk walking around bumping into everybody.
  • He's laughing on the swing. That's great. Too bad you smell like rotten milk most days. Wasn't going to say anything but.
  • If you get fired for having a blanket at work, well, that's just more blanket time at home. Amirite?
  • I know how you make tea. Just shave a pencil into a little bag. Done. Give me my millions.
  • Hey Santa when you get a chance let me know what your favorite kind of cookie is. Always thinking about u. :)
  • As if Santa cares whether I finish this sandwich or not. The man is swamped. He's not watching me eat.
  • Grownups eat like every meal is their last. Like it's gonna go bad if they take a breath.
  • Naptime. Daddy just tried to put me in my bed and walk away. LOL. Skipped like 28 steps! Start over. From the top.
  • Sit down restaurant for lunch. Feel like a royal. I'll have the bread with a side of fries. :)
  • Toddler Tip: Soup is food in its weakest form. Stay away from it.
  • If you're wondering, we had money for a $3 magazine about celebrities but not enough for my ice-cream so there's that
  • I love when she pretends to walk away. See you in five seconds.
  • Found more of my art in the trash. Not sure why I keep trying.
  • I will give Oscar a home and find Big Bird a forever family.
  • I will make quinoa illegal and 10% juice drink (red) will flow through the streets.

Time For My All-Time Favorite HT Tweets!
  • Toddler Tip: If you don't have a spoon, you can also enjoy yogurt with a toothbrush or mobile phone.
  • Just tried baking soda. WHY DO WE OWN POISON
  • Trick or Treaters skip my house unless you want an O'Henry wrapper.
  • I know for a fact that our seasonings were purchased at a Ross Dress For Less and are over 100 years old.
  • Toddler Tip: Most parents want your company in the shower. They're just too shy to ask.
  • Daddy didn't ask me to join his shower fully clothed but I'm good at anticipating people's needs.
  • Don't bother asking if we bought ice cream because the answer will break your heart. 
  • Man at the store asked mama if I could have a balloon. She doesn't speak for me. I'll take six.
  • Toddler Tip: If you put 8 or 9 batteries in a toilet it will not become a robot. Don't ask how I know just listen.
  • Don't try to cancel a game of Under the Blanket just because your toddler gently farts a few times. PLAY THROUGH.
  • Was on the phone trying to order pizza for 25 minutes. Turns out I was talking into a scrunchie. :(
  • Can you stop looking at the clock? My bedtime will come when it comes. Rude. 
  • Skipped my nap today. Exhausted. Will go right to bed. LOL. NOT. FEEL LIKE ADRENALINE & RED BULL ARE PUMPING THROUGH MY BABY VEINS. 
  • Woke up from my nap happy and refreshed! Just kidding I hate everything and will need to be held until bedtime. 
  • The awkward moment when mommy hugs you way too tight for way too long and whispers something creepy like "Don't grow." Get a grip. 
  • Jumped off the kitchen table. Turns out believing you can fly isn't enough. Thanks for the lies R Kelly. 
  • Mommy ran into a friend on the street. "I've been meaning to call you!" Stop lying. You've been meaning to buy M&Ms. 

In case you missed it, you can find my first Honest Toddler Tweet best of here. You can find the second round here. Round three is here.