No, I am not talking about my next door neighbor, Klaus, here. I had an interview with THE REAL SANTA!
For your viewing pleasure, I included some creepy/funny Santa Fakers in between the questions.
NL: Which reindeer is your favorite?
Santa: I like Prancer. He really gives it his all. Dancer and Vixen- they are just slackin'. Prancer is pulling his heart out. Dancer is a big fraud.
NL: Do you have anything to say to this Santa?
[NL shows Santa the photo below]
Santa: THAT is a SCARY Santa. I would NEVER let my kids sit on that Santa's lap.
NL: Does your sleigh have keys?
Santa: Don't be ridiculous. I'm not even going to answer any more of these questions if you're just going to be stupid. Why would I have reindeer if I have to use keys.
NL: What do you have to say about all the fake Santas out there?
Santa: Most of them don't capture my true good looks. They don't even come close!
NL: Do you mind them pretending to be you?
Santa: No, of course not!
Santa: Bear claw, of course
NL: What is your middle name?
NL: What did you get Mrs. Claus for your wedding anniversary?
Santa: It was our 40th and 40th is rubies. So, I got her a ruby necklace.
NL: What's your favorite food?
Santa: Cookies and milk. I live on cookies and milk.
NL: Are you afraid of spiders in the chimney?
NL: Is there anything you're afraid of?
Santa: Mrs. Claus. When I leave my dirty clothes on the floor she freaks out on me
NL: Do you remember what you were doing when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon?
Santa: I didn't have cable then. So, I didn't get to see it. Someone sent me a a Beta Max so I got to watch it about a month later. Now we have satellite and I can watch anything real time.
NL: Do you remember your thoughts when you heard he landed on the moon?
Santa: What's the world coming to? Now, I'm not going to be the only one flying around in outer space!
NL: UNC or Duke?
Santa: UNC- give me a break. I hate the Dukies.
NL: Do Dukies get presents?
Santa: I put coal in Mike Krzsszszszsszs's stocking.
Be sure to check back later this afternoon to read more of Santa's wisdom!
Santa photo sources: Chicago Tribune, CreepySantaPhotos.com, Funny Or Die, The Distraction Network, Fail Blog