All of you peeps seemed to like taking a glimpse into the hilarity that is Honest Toddler Tweets. So, I am back today with another look into the life of that sassy, little boy.
MY 25 FAVORITE HONEST TODDLER TWEETS: 9-18-12 to 10-1-12:
- Reached for a toy while in time out and she kicked it away with her foot. You'd think I was a war criminal.
- A fart is just your body's way of saying "Hello, I'm here."
- "Where are your shoes?" What am I Wikipedia?
- Any kid who throws their shoes down the slide ahead of them has my respect.
- Daddy started chasing and was right behind me but I had my shirt off so it was easy to switch into hyper speed.
- And I don't know nothing about a situation with scissors cutting the stereo speaker fabric and filling it with raisins that's crazy.
- But the child who did that is probably a scientist.
- Have a wonderful day, Santa. I'll be leaving out three kinds of cookies this year so don't mess this up for me. I need gifts.
- Don't bother asking if we bought ice cream because the answer will break your heart.
- If I lost at the Emmys I'd still go up and collect my trophy. Fastest one gets it.
- Instead of trophies they should give out cereal in a bag. Everyone would go crazy.
- If you come back today I'll teach you the true meaning of friendship. Hint: It's cuddles :)
- Toddler Tip: What's the difference between a bank and a Chuck E. Cheese. Nothing. Go wild.
- This three-year old just rolled up to the park wearing loafers looking like Frasier. Don't hurt yourself, Kelsey Grammer.
- Noon. All the infants start their nonsense. Wheel 'em home! Put them on a blanket they love blankets.
- Sometimes the only way to make your point is to throw up.
- Not participating in library story time. How will learning animal sounds make me successful.
- Tried to push over a bookshelf and break a chair with my teeth. On our way home.
- Just like college and pants, potty training isn't for everyone.
- So if you want cake for breakfast it's called muffin. Lol adults, I see what you did there.
- Man at the store asked mama if I could have a balloon. She doesn't speak for me. I'll take six.
- Not singing Happy Birthday for someone who doesn't know martial arts.
- Toddler Tip: If you put 8 or 9 batteries in a toilet it will not become a robot. Don't ask how I know just listen.
- Nothing adults love more than telling people how exhausted they are. It's like a sadness competition.
- Tell me again how tired you are. Wow. So interesting. LOL.
|Here is my BabyToddler going wild in her cape. That's right- she doesn't have her onesie buttoned. That's the way we roll around here.|
In case you missed it, 2 weeks ago I gave you some of my favorite Honest Toddler Tweets from the past week and from a Huffington Post "best of" article.
Here are my favorite all-time Honest Toddler Tweets (including a couple new ones):
- Vaulters! When you fall, just stay down and wait for mama. She'll come.
- Wow. Someone call the Guinness Book of World Records because I was just read the fastest bedtime story known to man. #terrible
- Please don't hand me a broken cookie and act like everything's fine.
- can pandas really do karate yes or no
- Don't try to cancel a game of Under the Blanket just because your toddler gently farts a few times. PLAY THROUGH.
And there they are.
Since Honest Toddler is my first look into the world of Twitter I am starting to realize that there must be tons of other hilarious Twitter-ers out there writing laugh-to-yourself-like-you're-a-spaz one-liners.
If you know of some Twitter geniuses go ahead and let the cat out of the bag. Share please!