Do you know what time it is? Honest Toddler time, you crazy people!
Honest Toddler tweets hilarious one liners multiples time per day. I read. I giggled. And I picked out my 30 favorite from the past month. So, here they are:
My 25 Favorite Honest Toddler Tweets from 2-3 - 3-3:
- Walked into my parent's room at 3AM. They looked at me like I was the angel of death. Just wanted a quesadilla.
- Grandma thinks I act out on account of me needing more snacks and being too skinny. She's like a doctor.
- Toddlers: Unless you're selling corn on the cob don't show up to the park wearing a straw hat.
- Toddlerfriend, unless you are a card-carrying member of the Wu-Tang Clan, I don't want to see a gold chain on you either.
- If hair brushes, toilet brushes, and toothbrushes aren't interchangeable why do they share a last name.
- Don't say you love someone then six hours later make quinoa.
- Just heard a 2 year-old tell his mom "I don't know what I want." Shut up Wikileaks, them toddler trade secrets!
- Toddler Tip: When a cat runs, it's not because he doesn't want to play. He just wants to show you something.
- You know for sure you took it too far during the day when instead of saying "Sweet dreams" she says "See ya when I see ya."
- Why are they mad when I break something. I'm not the one who took all those prenatal vitamins resulting in my incredible strength."
- I don't need you in here with me." What if I told you I prepared a song?
- If anyone asks, I've been with you all day and didn't touch the dishwasher. Be cool. I'll explain later.
- Santa, please use the off-season to relax and do not waste you time listening to voicemail today. love u.
- Grandma you busy? Was wondering if you could airlift me out of a situation.
- When did I fall asleep. Hope you enjoyed the quiet. I'm going to be a problem until after sundown. #trust
- Asked for an apple. Was handed a piece of fruit with a soft patch reminiscent of the top of an infant's head. No.
- Second apple looks like it just walked out of the ICU. Is it too much to ask for fruit that looks somewhat illustrated?
- Was just handed a whole apple. What am I four? An arctic wolf? I can still feel where my molars came in. Cut up, please. smh.
- Fact: Most babysitters just want access to your gold.
- Why would you eat scones when doughnuts are a thing. You're just trying to feel rich. Adults, stop.
- You think flour says "I want to be a scone when I grow up?" No. They dream of greatness. Churros. Frozen waffles. Oreo cookies.
- Sorry about last night. Guess we both learned something though. You learned to come the first time I call and I learned to never give up.
- Just heard Cookie Monster say something about trying new foods. They got to him.
- Ear infection. They gave me medicine in my mouth but so far nothing in my actual ear. Where did these people go to school. Hogwarts?
- Toddler in the next room is singing Wheels On The Bus like we're all on holiday. Quiet, fool. Stay alert.
Time For My All-Time Favorite HT Tweets!
- Yes, I am a highly skilled Level 10 (out of 10) karate master but it doesn't mean I can walk from the car to grocery store.
In case you need more Honest Toddler in your life: