Words Of Wisdom, Honest Toddler Style. Take 7

Hola, My Pals!

Do you know what time it is? Honest Toddler time, you crazy people!

Honest Toddler tweets hilarious one liners multiples time per day. I read. I giggled. And I picked out my 30 favorite from the past month. So, here they are:

My 25 Favorite Honest Toddler Tweets from 2-3 - 3-3:

• Walked into my parent's room at 3AM. They looked at me like I was the angel of death. Just wanted a quesadilla.

• Grandma thinks I act out on account of me needing more snacks and being too skinny. She's like a doctor.

• Toddlers: Unless you're selling corn on the cob don't show up to the park wearing a straw hat.

• Toddlerfriend, unless you are a card-carrying member of the Wu-Tang Clan, I don't want to see a gold chain on you either.

• If hair brushes, toilet brushes, and toothbrushes aren't interchangeable why do they share a last name.

• Don't say you love someone then six hours later make quinoa.

• Just heard a 2 year-old tell his mom "I don't know what I want." Shut up Wikileaks, them toddler trade secrets!

• Toddler Tip: When a cat runs, it's not because he doesn't want to play. He just wants to show you something.

• You know for sure you took it too far during the day when instead of saying "Sweet dreams" she says "See ya when I see ya."

• Why are they mad when I break something. I'm not the one who took all those prenatal vitamins resulting in my incredible strength."

• I don't need you in here with me." What if I told you I prepared a song?

• If anyone asks, I've been with you all day and didn't touch the dishwasher. Be cool. I'll explain later.

• Santa, please use the off-season to relax and do not waste you time listening to voicemail today. love u.

• Grandma you busy? Was wondering if you could airlift me out of a situation.

• When did I fall asleep. Hope you enjoyed the quiet. I'm going to be a problem until after sundown. #trust

• Asked for an apple. Was handed a piece of fruit with a soft patch reminiscent of the top of an infant's head. No.

• Second apple looks like it just walked out of the ICU. Is it too much to ask for fruit that looks somewhat illustrated?

• Was just handed a whole apple. What am I four? An arctic wolf? I can still feel where my molars came in. Cut up, please. smh.

• Fact: Most babysitters just want access to your gold.

• Why would you eat scones when doughnuts are a thing. You're just trying to feel rich. Adults, stop.

• You think flour says "I want to be a scone when I grow up?" No. They dream of greatness. Churros. Frozen waffles. Oreo cookies.

• Sorry about last night. Guess we both learned something though. You learned to come the first time I call and I learned to never give up.

• Just heard Cookie Monster say something about trying new foods. They got to him.

• Ear infection. They gave me medicine in my mouth but so far nothing in my actual ear. Where did these people go to school. Hogwarts?

• Toddler in the next room is singing Wheels On The Bus like we're all on holiday. Quiet, fool. Stay alert.

Time For My All-Time Favorite HT Tweets!

• Asked for a second bedtime story. You would have thought I requested launch codes. Nevermind.

• Is it too much to ask to be held from 4:30-7PM? I'm like 28 pounds :(

• Showed grandpa my top karate moves. He was too proud to speak. Just shook his head and prayed for my safety.

• Going home. Grandpa said to avoid doing martial arts in public because the world isn't ready. I understand. #BestDay

• Just so you know when you come in to give goodnight kisses smelling like Cheetos it's like a slap in the face.

• Alarm clocks. Adults do you mean to tell me that without a machine you would not wake up in the morning? Your body is in shambles.

• Yes, I am a highly skilled Level 10 (out of 10) karate master but it doesn't mean I can walk from the car to grocery store.

• Love means being happy to see someone no matter what time it is even if that person has peed through all their clothes.
• In trouble for unrolling 10 or 12 toilet paper rolls. I did it for science not me but whatever.
• It's amazing how some people think they're in charge of deciding who has to wear pants and when.

• "Stop crying." Oh ok let me find the button that TURNS OFF MY FEELINGS.

• I need a body double who is available for meal times and the afternoon shift. I can pay in tales of adventure.

• How much you think a robot that looks exactly like you and loves naps and salad would cost?

• I know how you make tea. Just shave a pencil into a little bag. Done. Give me my millions.
• Hey Santa when you get a chance let me know what your favorite kind of cookie is. Always thinking about u. :)
• Naptime. Daddy just tried to put me in my bed and walk away. LOL. Skipped like 28 steps! Start over. From the top.
• If you're wondering, we had money for a $3 magazine about celebrities but not enough for my ice-cream so there's that
• Toddler Tip: If you don't have a spoon, you can also enjoy yogurt with a toothbrush or mobile phone.
• Just tried baking soda. WHY DO WE OWN POISON
• Trick or Treaters skip my house unless you want an O'Henry wrapper.
• I know for a fact that our seasonings were purchased at a Ross Dress For Less and are over 100 years old.
• Toddler Tip: Most parents want your company in the shower. They're just too shy to ask.
• Daddy didn't ask me to join his shower fully clothed but I'm good at anticipating people's needs.
• Don't bother asking if we bought ice cream because the answer will break your heart. 

• Man at the store asked mama if I could have a balloon. She doesn't speak for me. I'll take six.

• Toddler Tip: If you put 8 or 9 batteries in a toilet it will not become a robot. Don't ask how I know just listen.
• Don't try to cancel a game of Under the Blanket just because your toddler gently farts a few times. PLAY THROUGH.

• Was on the phone trying to order pizza for 25 minutes. Turns out I was talking into a scrunchie. :(

• Can you stop looking at the clock? My bedtime will come when it comes. Rude. 

• Skipped my nap today. Exhausted. Will go right to bed. LOL. NOT. FEEL LIKE ADRENALINE & RED BULL ARE PUMPING THROUGH MY BABY VEINS. 

• Woke up from my nap happy and refreshed! Just kidding I hate everything and will need to be held until bedtime. 

• The awkward moment when mommy hugs you way too tight for way too long and whispers something creepy like "Don't grow." Get a grip. 

• Jumped off the kitchen table. Turns out believing you can fly isn't enough. Thanks for the lies R Kelly. 

• Mommy ran into a friend on the street. "I've been meaning to call you!" Stop lying. You've been meaning to buy M&Ms. 

In case you need more Honest Toddler in your life:

• 9-17-12 and before
• 9-18-12 to 10-1-12
• 10-2-12 to 11-2-12
• 11-3-12 to 12-2-12
• 12-2-12 to 1-2-13
• 1-3-13 to 2-3-13

Tips To Handle Any Amount Of Letting Your Baby "Cry It Out"

As I have mentioned here, here, here, here, and here Cora did not win the Miss Universe of sleeping pageant.

When Cora turned 6 months old and was not sleeping through the night Cora's very loving pediatrician suggested that we let her cry it out ALL NIGHT LONG! At that point I would rather go without sleep for the rest of my life than let my baby cry all night long. I was OK with a little crying but I wasn't ready for The World Cup of Crying (pictured below) to happen to my baby.

You can't tell what is going on here? Doesn't matter... just pretend like it's normal. Pre-photoshopped version of the photo from here.

Scott and I knew we needed some structure to fix this problem. We stumbled upon the Ferber method. Ferber basically wants you to do periodic check-ins on the crying baby at certain intervals of time that get longer each night. I liked the sound of check-ins and Scott liked the sound of possibly having a baby that slept through the night. So, we decided to try a variation of the Ferber Method.

This post was really helpful for me when I was trying to figure out the ins and outs of the Ferber Method.
Well holla holla wooo hooo! It worked! And it worked after only a few days and some fairly short crying periods. The most I had to let her cry was 10-15 minutes. And that, my friends, was the start of me getting my sanity back. Ohhh boy! You have no idea what a difference it makes. I went from getting up 2-5 times a night trying to get her back to sleep to putting her down awake and being 100% confident that I wouldn't see her for 11-12 hours because she would be too busy sleeping sleeping soundly in bed. WOOOO WEEEEEEEEEEE!

Life is goood good good when it comes to Cora's night sleep these days but her naps are a different story. Recently, we had to get back on the cry it out train.

Cora switched from two naps to one. But the little stinker decided one nap a day was too much. She thought she might like to drop them all together. I tried everything in the world to try to get her to sleep. Finally, I had a mini meltdown and told Scott that I had to have his help. He suggested emailing Cora's pediatrician. So, I did.

I love Cora's peditrician. She always calms me down and makes me feel 1000 times better after each of Cora's check ups. I go in with one million questions. She is very patient with me and makes me feel like she has all the time in the world to answer them. She said that I didn't need to do anything except get her somewhat relaxed and calm for a while before the nap. I could do as much or as little rocking, singing, etc as I wanted to. Then put her in the crib, give her a kiss and close the door. She said I needed to leave her in there for an hour- crying, screaming, talking... just let her be. If she still wasn't asleep after an hour I could go get her and just put her down at her regular bedtime (maybe a little earlier). Ugh! I hated the idea of that. No one wants to listen to their baby cry. But babies need their sleep and I wanted to do what was best for her. 

So, I did it. I spent over an hour getting her super relaxed and calm. Then I tried to snuggle with her a bit (she's not a snuggler). I sang to her. I gave her her blanket and her favorite doll. I put her in the crib, kissed her and left. She stood up and walked and talked in her crib for 15-20 minutes. Then the crying started. At times it was much more than crying- it was rip your heart out agonizing screams. Then after a minute of that she would go back to talking and playing with her doll. I was watching the clock and the video monitor, counting down the seconds until I could run in there and be with her. At one hour, on the dot, she laid down and fell asleep. Just like that. She went from screaming to asleep in about 5 seconds. I could not believe it. I was at her door ready to rescue her and she was sound asleep.

The next day, I did the same thing... got her relaxed and put her down awake. She talked for 5-10 minutes and off to sleep she went. No crying at all! It was amazing!!!!!

I am not trying to suggest anyone else try the Ferber method or do any sort of crying it out. It is your decision. It is a hard one and I don't want to have any part of it. We decided that a little crying was the best thing to do in our situation. 

I am just here to give you some tips on how to get through it if you ever find yourself faced with the dreaded CIO.

Here are my tips:

• Leave the house and let someone else deal with it. If you are reading this- you are probably the one who is most effected by it. It is really hard to be in the house knowing that your baby is upset and you can't do anything about it.

• If you are doing any form of "cry it out" TURN YOUR MONITOR DOWN ALL THE WAY while you are waiting whatever amount of time you have set to let your baby cry. Every so often, you can look at it (if it is video) or turn it back up (if it is audio). But turn it down to mute if you cannot stop looking at it. Don't do this if it is the middle of the night and you think you might fall asleep with the sound off and wake up 6 hours later at which time you go hyperspeed racing to baby's room.

• Give your baby lots and lots of extra cuddles while he or she is awake. It might not make any difference to your baby but at least you know that you gave some extra love in hopes of making up for the extra crying.

• Now that you have cuddled your baby up sufficiently you might want to warn your spouse that you are going to need a few extra cuddles while you are going through the "cry it out."

• Hold your ground. Whatever amount of time you have decided you are going to let your baby cry- STICK TO IT! The CIO methods really only seem to work if you are consistent.

• Drink a glass of water and keep the junk food away. There is no need to tempt yourself with a bunch of chocolate in your face when you are upset. Drink a big glass of water- it will help with the cravings. Sometimes your body is thirsty but your brain reads it as, "give me 42 ice cream sandwiches and a pizza, please."

• Stay busy or even better... stay busy doing something that makes you happy while you know your baby is upset. Have a "happy" play list que-ed up. Dance around. Do some exercise- jump on the floor and do some sit-ups. Call someone. This is a great time to do the laundry or update your blog! (That is the whole reason I am writing this post right now).

Get your dance on like these groovy gals. Image from here

Listening to your baby cry is a terrible, awful, no good thing. It can make you feel like a bad parent. It will surely make you second guess your choice to listen to her cry. Just know that you have your baby's best interests at heart and you are doing the best you can.

This is one of the hardest things I have ever done. In the end, I think it was worth it. Babies need their sleep. Thankfully, I only had to listen to Cora cry longer than 15 minutes one time. 

When Cora woke up from her nap that terrible, awful, no good cry-it-out day I rushed in and cuddled her immediately. I told her how proud of her I was for being able to put herself to sleep. She didn't seem the least bit bothered by her tears a couple hours earlier. And, best of all, she was a super happy, fun, and sweet baby for the rest of the day! She wasn't a bit cranky!

Good luck! I hope this helps.


and now...
The Would You Rather (WYR) of the day!

WYR... have to eat one pound of sugar
or have to drink 8oz of olive oil?

This is another one of Scott's WYRs from our car trip the other day.

The Bonus Room Chronicles: Step 3: Put Up Wall Of Frames

Well, hello Bonus Room Chronicles. Back so soon????

Yes, The Bonus Room Chronicles are back and riding on the steam that Bobby Barker brought 2 days ago.

You can thank my number one fan (my mom) for the quick reappearance of the funky, retro bonus room. She was getting antsy... she wants the after picture up on the blog and she wants it now. Well, it isn't going to happen yet, mama. But I will post away on the chronicles to get it up sooner for you.

Welcome to Step 3: Put up wall of frames.





I have lots of wonderful friends and family that I want to see all the time but can't. I decided a photo wall would be the next best thing. 

Here is what I did:

• I gathered all of the photos that I really wanted to display. Since I never got around to making a wedding album, I made sure to include my favorite shots from my wedding.

• I went through and found every unused paintable frame in the house and painted them black.  Some of these frames had been used so many times that they had five or six layers of paint.  I also had a number of black frames that I bought that way.  I did not have to buy a single frame for this project.   

• I measured the area where the photos would go. Then I made a spot on the floor that was the same size.

• I got on the floor and went to work. I started putting frames in the middle and worked out. I just wanted a draft for how many frames I could fit and what arrangements looked the best.

• To fill some awkward spaces and to make it more interesting, I put a couple large frames over a couple of grouping of frames.

• Then I busted out the hammer and nails. I made some mistakes. There are plenty of extra holes hiding behind those nails. I wasn't too worried about it because there are already going to be a lot of holes to patch.

In the end, this staircase went from this (THE BEFORE PIC):

To this (THE AFTER PIC):

Cora always runs to the bottom of these steps and points at Groom Scott saying dad incessantly.  After I have acknowleded that that is, in fact, dad she starts pointing and whispering "pop-pop-pop-pop-pop." Pop is what Cora calls Scott's dad.

If you don't want the extra holes and you have more patience than I do follow the advice of someone like this. They do an excellent job of planning out every detail and making their wall perfect.

Step Team in full force below:

The Bonus Room Chronicles Introduction Post

Step 1: Move in. Paint the walls. Put up curtains. Put up art. Paint orange design. Paint polka dots.

Step 2: Put up wire display.

Step 3: Put up wall of frames.

Step 4: Move furniture around. Get rid of TV. Add bed.

Step 5: Part 1. Part 2. Part 3: Build window seat and built in bookcases.

Step 6: Change out the bifold doors

Step 7: Part 1.  Part 2. Part 3. Finishing touches

Grandparent Side Note: As you know, Cora is in the running for worst napper in the history of the world. 
Cora's very compassionate, and amazing pediatrician wants me to wait an hour (aka an eternity) before I give up on each nap and take her out of the crib. 

Here she is showing off her sleeping skills. Look at that little baby napping in her crib!

Next week, I'm writing a post for you about how to deal with any amount of Crying It Out (CIO).... also known as The Grandmother's Worst Nightmare.

On a happier note: It's FRIDAY!!!! The weekend is just hours away!