I'm Here For You, Google. Take 2

Dear Google,

I am back to help you. So, sit down. Take a load off. Relax your mind. I am going to take another stab at answering a few of the never-ending questions you get asked. People must think you are Ask Jeeves (which, FYI, is now ask.com).

Last time, we took a peak at some "what is"s. Let's keep rolling on the what train, shall we?

What should we call me?

So, you're in the market for a good nickname? I guess you haven't been reading my Would You Rather questions. The other day I suggested 2 perfectly good ones. I believe the choices were "stinky pants" or "dumb dumb head." 

I'll just get you started with some more questions to get you where you want to be...

Do you have straight hair? We could be ironic and call you "Curly." On the same token, is your name Roger and you are tiny? We could call you "Big Rog."

Do you like hula hooping? Is "Hula Hoopin' Harry" resonating with you?

Do you look like Mr. Clean? We could call you "Baldy McBalderson"

source

Maybe you look like Yanni. Well, lucky you! Quit bragging about your glorious hair and mustache!

source

If you couldn't find a nickname you liked above then I am afraid your nickname pursuit is hopeless.

What should I do?

Oh Oh Oh! Tricky question.

Is the question "What should I do right now?" 

If so, maybe you should go have a delicious breakfast of Captain Crunch and orange juice. Nope, I take it back- have french toast. It is always yummy.

Maybe the question is "What should I do tomorrow?" 

And the answer is: check Never Listless, obviously. Word on the street is that there will be a celebration of the 100th post on NL!

Are you asking, "What should you do for a living?"

I can't say I suggest writing a blog unless you want to make .07 cents per day. Luckily for you nice readers, this is not how I make a living. 

Dog Walker! That is what you should be for a living! Who doesn't want to spend all day with dogs? And you get to spend a lot of time outside... win-win. 

As far as I am concerned, I have thoroughly answered this question for you! I never want to see it on the google machine again. There is no more that you could possibly need to know about "what you should do."

What should I weigh?

Come on now! You took P.E. in high school. Your coach/teacher talked about the height-weight chart.

Here, I did a little googling myself and I pulled it up for you.

I don't think this chart takes into account that when you turn 30 fat glues itself to your hips. So, add an extra 3 pounds to account for that.

And that, my friends, is what you should weigh.

What should I be for Halloween?

Now, this is a question I can get into. I applaud your go-get-itiveness! We still have 11 months until next Halloween and you are already thinking about your costume. Lucky for you, I posted some of my favorite home-made Halloween costumes a month ago. I also wrote a post about my past costumes. And, if you just happen to be an animal who is reading my blog you can find a costume for yourself here. That should give you a good start.

Would you like to be a lifeguard? Here, copy my costume.

Yes, lifeguards always use boogie boards. And yes, those are Gotcha flip flops. I thought they were the coolest thing ever!

I am partial to costumes of characters from the 80s and 90s. Why don't you gather up your friends and go as the cast of Saved By The Bell. Or, even better, find all the shoulder pads you can get your hands on and go as Dorothy and her ladies from Golden Girls (dibs on Sophia).

Seriously, could Dorothy be any sassier?
source

You're Welcome, Google! I'm always here for you.

And just to keep Cora's fans happy... here she is with her Granddad! I believe Granddad was singing a song that went like this, "Here comes Dora, walking down the street, coming to see her best friend, Cora."

How about a little Would You Rather Question Of The Day!

WYR... that all of your food tasted exactly like pickles dipped in chocolate
or
all of your food tasted like anchovy tacos?

Thanksgiving. Round 3: Kid-Friendly Decorations, And Fancy Candles

Kid-friendly decorations and candles- that just go hand in hand, really. 

So, let's get this party started because Thanksgiving just keeps getting closer and closer!

Cora isn't quite old enough to get involved in most of the crafts below (especially the ones involving candles). But what she can get involved in is dipping her hand in paint!

We have't tried this turkey-handprinted tablecloth idea yet but I think it is pretty darn cute! You could have every family member do a turkey hand print. You could do a new hand print every year or two and see how the hands grow. 

Maybe put your turkey hands some placemats? Treat yo' self with special placemat that only comes out once a year!

This website has some free Thanksgiving printables to help you turn your table into this:

Cora had some fun with pumpkins a week or so before Halloween. 

You know you love pumpkins! Go ahead and get your Thanksgiving decorating on with some fake ones.

This website has a great tutorial on how to make this adorable pumpkin:

Ehhh! This one is adorable but I am having a bit of anxiety about it. You know how I love my books. I hate the idea of teaching kids that it is OK to destroy them. I think this pumpkin project is only OK if you find a really terrible book that a dog has made 100% unreadable. 

Do you want to decorate your mantle or your fake white tree with some garland? 

Well, go ahead and make it out of leaves because it is going to look awesome!

Just trace some leaf shapes on various colors of felt and sew them together. If sewing isn't your thing you could glue them onto a ribbon.

Here is another example but this one is made out of paper. You could punch holes in each leaf and weave some yarn through each one. If you like the look of them being spaced out, just tie a knot after each piece.

I do love a thanks trees. Here's one more:

Drawing on placemats  is a cute idea. I guarantee that if I did it it would look ridiculous but somehow they made it look awesome. 

Either way, I bet your kids would think it's a fun thing to do!

On to the candles!

You are still reading this so you must be looking for a way to dress up your candles!

HERE.THEY.ARE!

Everyone knows that your candle isn't going to be looking its best unless you throw a few corn kernels around it!

If you aren't into corn then you have 2 more options!

Beans!

Or Cranberries!

You are welcome! I know your needs, people. And you needed some random kiddie decorations and fancied up candles.

The other thing you need is... 
Today's Would You Rather Question!

WYR... everything you say is in question form
or
wear one glove (just one) all day long 6 days a week (you pick which days)?

sources: turkey handprint, cranberry, corn candle, beans, thanks tree, leaf garland on fireplace, leaf garland on tree, drawn on place mats, book pumpkin

Thanksgiving. Round 2: Decorating With Acorns and Wreaths!

Thanksgiving just keeps getting closer and closer!

Are you in need of a little decorating help? Do you have a few extra wreaths around and the only think you can think to put on them are acorns? 

You could not have come to a better blog to help you with that problem!

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever be blogging about wreaths. Acorns, maybe. Wreaths, no. But here I am. Wreath-blogging away. And, I'm not gonna lie to you- I'm kind of lovin' it.

Let's talk Thanksgiving decorations!

Ya'll ready for this?!?!?!? da da da da-da da daaa (sing it with me)!

IT IS ACORN TIME! 

My goodness do acorns make some neat Fall decorations!

These are just colorful, felt balls glued to acorn tops.

Jazz up a boring frame with a squirrel's best friend: acorns!

Why not consider honoring Mr. Squirrel by putting his mug shot in that frame?

Acorns, candles, and mason jars. The power trio!

So cute! In a jar, as a necklace, maybe garland?

Metallic painted acorns! What's not to love?

Deanna, I think I found a Missing Monster!

Deanna, do I spy a crocheted Missing Monster or two in the background?

Don't put that acorn paint away just yet. There is more work to be done! Why not hang a few thanks notes off those branches while you're at it. No one ever went wrong turning some branches into a Thanks Tree!

This wreath is made of acorns. Can you believe it? It is, by far, the cutest (and only) acorn wreath situation I have ever seen.

Well, hello to the perfect segway into another fascinating topic: 

wreaths!

I am head over heels in love with this one. I think a little DIY crafting is in my future!

I had to cut some wreaths out. It turns out that I am a little rosette-crazy!

Hey, burlap! I like your style!

This one looks a little sassy to me! And that is why I like her.

Let's keep it going with the yellow and grays... wreath-style.

Twig city!

And one last un-wreathed and un-acorned photo.

For her biggest fans:

Cora and her Aunt Kelly!

Some of the links below have pretty good tutorials on how to make one of the fabulous wreaths!
acorn wreath, painted acorn tops, acorns in mason jars, acorn frame, squirrel, colorful acorns in jar, acorns in branch tree, metallic acorns, rosette wreath, moss wreath, burlap wreath with flowers,yellow felt, burlap #2, yarn and ruffles, twig wreath


Now, for the Would You Rather Question Of The Day!

WYR... have to skip everywhere you would normally walk or run
or
never be allowed to eat dessert again?

A Bumble Bee And A Fish!

I told you earlier today that there were more Cora photos on the way and here they are!
My little babytoddler was a bumble bee for Halloween!

Cora went trick or treating this year... to three houses. She didn't seem to have a clue why in the world we were at our next door neighbor's house rather than in the middle of our bedtime routine. But she was very happy to accept candy bars from anyone who was willing to give them to her. 

I am a major stickler about Cora's sugar intake. Scott insisted that it was Halloween and we should let her try a piece of candy. So, after her dinner we gave her a teeny tiny piece of an Airhead and a quarter of an M&M. She was a fan.

Fast-forward a couple hours and that babytoddler taught us a lesson about who was going to be eating candy on Halloween. While I was carrying the little trickster around before bedtime she acted like she was just chewing on the wrapper of a Kit Kat bar. But boo ya to me... she managed to bust through the wrapper and eat half of the Kit Kat bar before I realized that her sugar levels were in the process of quadrupling.

One more photo of my little bee. I dressed her up for story time at the library yesterday!

Here is the pumpkin I carved this year. A fish pumpkin! Woo hoo! And, in case you can't tell, those are waves at the top. My smiley pumpkin fish!

364 days until next Halloween!

October 31st... Time For Some Halloween Jokes

Today we are working with Halloween jokes AND... get ready for this excitement... photos of things that are orange and black.

Sorry, everyone! I used up all of the good Halloween stuff leading up to the big day!

In case you missed it... the "good Halloween stuff" consisted of:

• Three Posts About Spooky Houses (#1, #2, and #3)
• Halloween Costumes Ideas
• Past Halloween Costumes
• Pet Costumes
• Halloween Decorations
• Halloween Food
• Pumpkin Carving Ideas
• Halloween Candy And Halloween Candy Facts
• Halloween Facts

And now, here is the reason that you all are here...

cheesy Halloween jokes:

Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?

A. Because everyone was a goblin!

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?

A. Bam-BOO!

Orange Bishop

Q. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?

A. His ghoul friend.

Eastern Comma Butterfly, I believe

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?

A. A mop.

Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?

A. Because you can see right through him.

Tiger Lillies

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?

A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

You know I like this pillow! Hello chevron (aka Charlie Brown's shirt)

Q. What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?

A. A Hallo-weenie!

THIS COULD BE YOURS! for sale for only $6 here

Q. What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? 

A. A cereal killer.

Bearded tiger buddie

Q. What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? 

A. A hoblin goblin.

Poison Dart Frog

Knock, knock
Who's there?

Boo!
Boo who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

(I used to LOVEEEEEEEEE this knock knock joke)

Knock, knock
Who's there?

Orange
Orange who?

Orange you glad it's Halloween.

The moon on August 15th 2005

Yep, that's what I have for you today. I'm sure you enjoyed it... mainly because it looks like a project that a 3rd grader would turn in.

We all know you are going to enjoy this... The Would You Rather Election Question of the Day! (in honor of the week before election day)

WYR... The President of the United States have a bat as a pet (kept in a huge cage)

or

15 pet spiders (in a terrarium)?

Once again, here is another apology note to the grandparents and Aunt Kelly: Tomorrow, I promise to have at least one Cora photo to make up for this post.

image sources: oriole, tiger, moon, pillow, bird, frog, tiger lillies, wig, butterfly, orange squid
joke sources: Psychology Today, Sqigly's Playhouse