I'm Here For You, Google. Take 2

Dear Google,

I am back to help you. So, sit down. Take a load off. Relax your mind. I am going to take another stab at answering a few of the never-ending questions you get asked. People must think you are Ask Jeeves (which, FYI, is now ask.com).

Last time, we took a peak at some "what is"s. Let's keep rolling on the what train, shall we?

What should we call me?

So, you're in the market for a good nickname? I guess you haven't been reading my Would You Rather questions. The other day I suggested 2 perfectly good ones. I believe the choices were "stinky pants" or "dumb dumb head." 

I'll just get you started with some more questions to get you where you want to be...

Do you have straight hair? We could be ironic and call you "Curly." On the same token, is your name Roger and you are tiny? We could call you "Big Rog."

Do you like hula hooping? Is "Hula Hoopin' Harry" resonating with you?

Do you look like Mr. Clean? We could call you "Baldy McBalderson"

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Maybe you look like Yanni. Well, lucky you! Quit bragging about your glorious hair and mustache!

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If you couldn't find a nickname you liked above then I am afraid your nickname pursuit is hopeless.

What should I do?

Oh Oh Oh! Tricky question.

Is the question "What should I do right now?" 

If so, maybe you should go have a delicious breakfast of Captain Crunch and orange juice. Nope, I take it back- have french toast. It is always yummy.

Maybe the question is "What should I do tomorrow?" 

And the answer is: check Never Listless, obviously. Word on the street is that there will be a celebration of the 100th post on NL!

Are you asking, "What should you do for a living?"

I can't say I suggest writing a blog unless you want to make .07 cents per day. Luckily for you nice readers, this is not how I make a living. 

Dog Walker! That is what you should be for a living! Who doesn't want to spend all day with dogs? And you get to spend a lot of time outside... win-win. 

As far as I am concerned, I have thoroughly answered this question for you! I never want to see it on the google machine again. There is no more that you could possibly need to know about "what you should do."

What should I weigh?

Come on now! You took P.E. in high school. Your coach/teacher talked about the height-weight chart.

Here, I did a little googling myself and I pulled it up for you.

I don't think this chart takes into account that when you turn 30 fat glues itself to your hips. So, add an extra 3 pounds to account for that.

And that, my friends, is what you should weigh.

What should I be for Halloween?

Now, this is a question I can get into. I applaud your go-get-itiveness! We still have 11 months until next Halloween and you are already thinking about your costume. Lucky for you, I posted some of my favorite home-made Halloween costumes a month ago. I also wrote a post about my past costumes. And, if you just happen to be an animal who is reading my blog you can find a costume for yourself here. That should give you a good start.

Would you like to be a lifeguard? Here, copy my costume.

Yes, lifeguards always use boogie boards. And yes, those are Gotcha flip flops. I thought they were the coolest thing ever!

I am partial to costumes of characters from the 80s and 90s. Why don't you gather up your friends and go as the cast of Saved By The Bell. Or, even better, find all the shoulder pads you can get your hands on and go as Dorothy and her ladies from Golden Girls (dibs on Sophia).

Seriously, could Dorothy be any sassier?
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You're Welcome, Google! I'm always here for you.

And just to keep Cora's fans happy... here she is with her Granddad! I believe Granddad was singing a song that went like this, "Here comes Dora, walking down the street, coming to see her best friend, Cora."

How about a little Would You Rather Question Of The Day!

WYR... that all of your food tasted exactly like pickles dipped in chocolate
or
all of your food tasted like anchovy tacos?