Words Of Wisdom... Honest Toddler Style

If you are immersed in the toddler/baby world and you find yourself not appreciating it you need to check The Honest Toddler's Tweets out! Even if you aren't in any way immersed in the world of drool or potty training I think you will find these little tweetings funny.

"You don't have time," you say? Well consider yourself one lucky son of a gun! Because I am going to do it for you. Yes, sir-y-bob, it looks like you have just hired me as your Honest Toddler Tweet reader. Below I am going to give you my favorite HT Tweets of the week.
The Honest Toddler has a blog, a Twitter account, and a Facebook page. I have only read some of the Tweets and they are hilarious. I am not a Twitter person. In fact, The Honest Toddler is my first experience with it all together. 

Photo of The Honest Toddler

BEST OF THE HONEST TODDLER TWEETS: 9-10-12 to 9-17-12: 

• Grandpa came by and dropped off some flashcards. Ate half of one right off the bat gonna save the rest for a special occasion.

• One year old at the park used me to steady himself. Do I look like a walking stick, big infant?

• Toddler Tip: If being a winner means anything to you, start running on "Get Set."

• Don't try to cancel a game of Under the Blanket just because your toddler gently farts a few times. PLAY THROUGH.

• In time out because haters gonna hate. Period.

• Recipe: Take two tablespoons of mayonnaise. Gently mix with 1 teaspoon of mustard. Add in a box of cereal. RUN FOR YO LIFE LOL

• Was on the phone trying to order pizza for 25 minutes. Turns out I was talking into a scrunchie. :(

• Grandma called just to tell me I'm a beautiful child. If not for her love I don't know what I'd do.

• Hope Santa knows the difference between facts and heresy that's all I'm going to say.

• She started tickling me. Can't stay mad at her. In other news, I peed in the big bed. LOL

I can't believe that this messy, little thing is now an Honest Toddler and no longer an honest baby!
She's not quite as witty as the real Honest Toddler but she can say mom, dad, hi, bye, duck, cheese, juice, and dog!

The Huffington Post did a great article about the 50 best tweets of all time from "Honest Toddler." I had trouble but I managed to pare them down to my favorite 18 for you:

• I won't be eating much dinner tonight. Thanks for cooking though.

• Daddy really needs to back off. Mommy + baby = love forever. I've heard her heartbeat from the inside, dude. THE INSIDE. Top THAT. 

• Can you stop looking at the clock? My bedtime will come when it comes. Rude. 

• In time out. I regret nothing. 

• Skipped my nap today. Exhausted. Will go right to bed. LOL. NOT. FEEL LIKE ADRENALINE & RED BULL ARE PUMPING THROUGH MY BABY VEINS. 

• Woke up at 5AM crying. Appeared ill and confused. Mom let me get up out of sheer concern. PSYCH!! I'm fine! Running around yelling. 

• Woke up from my nap happy and refreshed! Just kidding I hate everything and will need to be held until bedtime. 

• Mommy saw a spider and almost cried. LOL I've eaten like four of those this week. 

• Going to be an angel while grandma is here. Operation Discredit Mommy is in full force ya'll! 

• Barista just asked me not to touch the pastry display glass. Licked it. In yo face. 

• The awkward moment when mommy hugs you way too tight for way too long and whispers something creepy like "Don't grow." Get a grip. 

• Jumped off the kitchen table. Turns out believing you can fly isn't enough. Thanks for the lies R Kelly. 

• Just saw my newborn photos. I looked like Gollum in a onesie. 

• Toddler Tip: When your parents hug, get between them and make that baby sandwich complete. 

• Mommy ran into a friend on the street. "I've been meaning to call you!" Stop lying. You've been meaning to buy M&Ms. 

• What is a bathroom door, really. Other than a love barrier. 

• Accidentally said I wanted an Awful for breakfast. Meant Waffle. She laughed in my face and told Facebook. :( 

• Dear Toddler Clothing Manufacturers, WE HAVE BIG HEADS. 

HAPPY WEEKEND TO YOU! 

If you don't have plans I invite you to come on down to Charlotte and get my baby toddler to sleep please.